Broken
by MAKandCHEESE
Summary: Light ItaSasu. There isn’t really anything left to live for is there, Niisan? It’s all gone; my friends, family, dignity... your love. It’s gone and I didn’t even know I had it all along. ANGST. COMPLETE, Death, Inc, Language, Yaoi


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters. I do not own any of the lyrics used either. I do not make any profit from writing this. If I did there'd be less angst.

A/N: BEWARE SPOILERS! This is going to be a tear-jerker. I've needed to get this angst out for a while. You see, I have a similar relationship with my elder brother so it's easier to get out the emotions, and it really helps me cope with Itachi's death... This is how I feel Sasuke feels. It goes between Sasuke and memories... and even a little Itachi if I feel the need. Thanks to kakasasu4ever, she really helped me with my brother complex; more than she knows actually! So go read 'Out' and 'Moving On', and see where I get my inspiration from.

Broken

I wanted you to know... I couldn't kill you. I couldn't let father kill you. You were my only love, Otouto. You always will be.

I love you so much it's killing me; literally.

I love you so much, you'll kill me; literally.

I keep your photograph  
And I know it serves me well  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

"Sorry, Sasuke."

Sasuke froze, mouth and jaw shaking in disbelief. His ankles and legs buckled under him; the pain tying him down in sadness and rage. All he'd wanted was his brother's death; his sweet revenge. But the sweetest revenge is always bitter when you top it with the final conclusion. Sasuke's watery eyes loosed their fountains of the salty proof of his humanity and the pain he'd hidden for so long.

"There won't be a next time..."

Itachi's hand called to him. The limb needing the life of Sasuke's being.

Sasuke remained fixed of the smiling visage of his bloody brother. The truth was finally spilling from his blind eyes like a sea of turmoil boiling inside him. Sasuke died in that moment too. But it wasn't enough. Itachi had killed himself every time his kunai ripped life from his family, every time he was witness to the brutal slaughter of his fellow ninja, every single time he remembered his baby brother; his Sasuke.

There's so much left to learn  
And no one left to fight  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Itachi's hand was cold.

It wasn't the lifeless flesh that caught Sasuke's attention.

It was for the first time in years, his eyes, the mirror image of Sasuke swimming in their pools of brilliant color, felt alive.

How could somebody be the most alive they've ever been in death?

Still frozen in the image of death, Sasuke breathes. He is young again; he wants to know who has done this to his Niisan; his Aniki!

"I don't understand, Aniki. WHO WOULD DO THIS TO MY ANIKI?"

Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
and I don't feel right when you're gone away

I feel like a broken toy, Niisan.

I feel played with. Manipulated.

Just like you, Aniki.

There isn't really anything left to live for is there, Niisan?

All I ever wanted was something I always had: Your love.

All I ever desired, my own flesh and blood, my Niisan; is dead.

The only person who ever loved me is dead. I loved you more than anything. Why did you have to go? I hate to know you suffered as much as I did. I hate to know the one I love, was slowly being torn apart. I remember a word of praise from your mouth. They were few and far between during the time we were surrounded by mother and father. But I lapped them up like sweetest liquid because I idolized the floors you walked on. I loved you. I love you.

The only thing I hope for now, is to be in the same place as you. What I want is the final blow, Niisan. But life is not kind to me, Itachi. This hurt won't go away. I wonder if this is what it feels like to die. I want to know what it's like, Niisan.

I wanted to be with you when I died.

You could have killed me.

The night was cold and pregnant with the spilt blood of his clan; All but one.

You've gone away  
You don't feel me here...anymore

His brother, his Aniki, wore the family blood proudly, his satisfaction highlighted by the round weeping moon.

Sasuke's small limbs racked with the pain of loss, the un-writable poem of eternity. The deaths of each family member playing like a movie before his eyes. The sadness and hate cancelling each other out, leaving him catatonic and in his place as his crimson brother spoke.

"Foolish little brother. If you want to kill me, hate me, detest me, and survive in an unsightly way. Run, run and cling to life. And then some day, when you have the same eyes as I do, come before me. "

Then Sasuke's eyes widened into saucers. Each pooling with salty tears which threatened to spill over at any moment. He remembered his Aniki's words echoing in his mind.

"You're not even worth killing."

Because I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

Why didn't you kill me that night? I would have died happy, with you there to see my final breath. I wanted you there to steal my last kiss... like you did with my first.

I wanted you to know  
that I love the way you laugh  
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away

The floor creaked easily under Sasuke's eager feet. The rest of the family had gone to sleep a little over an hour ago, leaving Sasuke alone in his bed. Although he was moving closer to his teen years he still remained terrified of the dark. Things happened in the darkness of the small room that slashed at his pleasant dreams and swept him to the edge of tears.

He'd made a habit of climbing into bed with Itachi when his parents weren't awake to scold him. His Aniki always made room, and he chased away all the haunting images that continuously played in Sasuke's dreams.

The room was quiet and black, but it was a welcome change. The room smelled of his Niisan, and his warm presence could be felt as it radiated off of the walls, enfolding Sasuke in a circle of protection. Sasuke's face rose into a bright smile as the gentle eyes of his Aniki spied him, and called him to move in closer; to come to him.

Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
and I don't feel right when you're gone away

It was the least Itachi could do. He'd always been so busy with missions, and the ANBU, that his precious Otouto constantly had to fight his invisible monsters by himself. It seared Itachi's heart to see his Otouto cry or to suffer.

But now, he was home. He was able to do what he felt he was born to do. It was his purpose in life to make sure Sasuke didn't grow up the same way he did. It was his sworn duty, since the day of his Otouto's birth, to protect him with his life; to love him with all his gentle heart.

Over the years, his love grew, and transcended their relationship as brothers. It was the most precious gift he'd ever received; something rarely afforded by his kind. The sweet smiling laughing face of his little brother was the only face he'd ever loved. He loved it more than the village; the place his life had been raised and harvested in.

Sasuke brushed away the covers of Itachi's bed and slipped in as quickly as he could, pressing his face to Itachi's warm chest, eagerly snuggling closer to his Niisan.

"I missed you, Aniki."

"I missed you too, Otouto," Itachi murmured into Sasuke's soft black tresses, pressing himself closer to the boy in desperation. He never wanted to let him go. It was his supreme wish that they be woven together so they could never come apart. If any spell or jutsu could bring him that happiness he'd offer his neck to any blade that dared to offer him such joy.

"Will you be leaving again soon, Aniki?" The small voice dwindled to a whisper at the disappointing truth.

Itachi dipped his head lower, crushing his eyes together in pain that he hid from Sasuke. He never wanted to burden him with any of that.

"You know I have to, Sasuke... but, let's not think about that right now. Let's get some sleep. I promise if you go to sleep right now," Itachi held back a sob, moving his hands to cup Sasuke's cheeks softly," I'll play whatever game you want tomorrow... just you and me, Otouto," Itachi brushed the hair out of Sasuke's eyes as he promised.

"But, Itachi Niisan..."

His face was succulent in the moon light; pale and soft and so delicate. Itachi couldn't hold back anymore. He ushered forward, pressing his lips against Sasuke's mouth in a dangerously passionate kiss. His tongue pushed past the sweet petal soft lips, and willed Sasuke's muscle to dance with his own. What bothered him the most was he felt no regret, but what about Sasuke? It was right for him to love Sasuke; no matter what anyone else said. He pulled away, a line of saliva still connecting their lips.

A true Shinobi never shows his emotions.

He never could believe the stuff they fed him in the academy.

"Itachi Nissan?" Sasuke whimpered.

"I'm sorry, Ot-,"

Sasuke pressed his hand to Itachi's lips.

"If you do that again, Aniki... I promise I'll go to sleep..."

Itachi did not resist and seized his brother's mouth once again. But not for the last time.

Because I'm broken when I'm open  
and I don't feel like I am strong enough

I remember the mission you left on without saying good bye. I thought you were dead. I know you didn't mean to leave me like that; you were always so kind to me. I cried every night you were away because I thought you weren't coming back. It killed me, Niisan. Father said that if you were dead it made no difference in how I should act.

A true Shinobi never showed his emotions.

What the fuck did he know?!

Then I was angry with you:

You were the one that left me. You were the one whom I asked to stay. But you left me in crumbles, Alone, defeated and weary. You left me to pick up the pieces on my own; you didn't bother saying good bye, you couldn't care. Emotionally and physically hurt, helpless, drained and jaded.

Then I realised what I said. I hated it. I couldn't ever hate you. I hated the feelings.

I wanted to die.

I wanted to be with you in heaven, Aniki.

Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
and I don't feel right when you're gone away

There isn't really anything left to live for is there, Niisan? It's all gone; my friends, family, dignity... your love. It's gone and I didn't even know I had it all along. I really did take for granted what was free, didn't I? I couldn't see anything for what it was, like you did. Even though you were blind, like I will be soon... you saw more than I ever did. You've died more times than I ever will... and it's not fair.

So, my life of avenging has come to an end, Niisan.

Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
and I don't feel right when you're gone...away

I'll follow you anywhere you go.

All I want is one glance from you to look into your eyes...Your mind...Your heart...Your soul...All I want is one word from you. To hear your voice your thoughts taking form in every word spoken bringing unparalleled happiness.

All I want is one kiss from you. One last time.

You're gone away  
you don't feel me here...anymore

So, I'm coming to get it Niisan. I love you.

"If you do anything to Sasuke... I'll tell everything there is to know...about the village to every hostile nation in the world."

Here I come.

A/N: Yeah... sorry, I had to get the angst out. Thanks again kakasasu4ever. You listen to my whining... and you have no idea how much it means! (hug) Whine any time!


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